Thinkering about: conscious mothering

Welcome to "thinkering about" an unstructured space to let out some recent reflections.

Today, I want to share something that’s been wandering through my mind, about being a mom and big feelings.

The other day, I was thinking about the idea of normalizing sadness, not with the intention of extending the experience, but to teach my daughter how to feel and move through those emotions (which, even for adults, can sometimes feel too big).

All of this has been on my mind while my mom has been visiting and staying with us for six weeks. And right before her, my dad came for ten days. So, it’s been weeks of great intensity for my adult self but also for my inner child. I’ve gifted myself many moments of quiet reflection.

I’ve been thinking, among many other things, about how we’ve normalized, to some extent, directing our attention away from the discomfort of feeling... especially when it comes to emotions with a “bad reputation” (sadness, anger, shame, etc.).

And how, often unconsciously, this is exactly what we as a society have continued to teach and perpetuate through generations the same patterns that keep us so unwell.

Now that I’m a mom and I give myself more time to think about these things, I realize that even if children can’t yet put what they feel into words, they can feel deeply. So if the adults around them only teach them to run away from what they feel, aren’t we invalidating their emotions? Creating more wounds? Allowing those unprocessed feelings to become the perfect muddy puddle where unpleasant things can grow?

And wow how hard it is to put all this theory into practice…Many parenting books say the same thing: that creating space to hold their feelings is important for them and (surprise, surprise) for us too.

All this “thinking” began when I started taking responsibility for my own mother and father wounds. But over the years, that motivation has shifted into a desire to become the kind of mom I want to be for Acacia. By working through my own wounds, I’ve come to think... and feel... deeply about this topic, trying to find my own way.

As part of the conscious parenting journey we want for our little ray of sunshine, it means facing that discomfort together (because yes, it can be uncomfortable and yet so, so important to sit with feelings and with discomfort, not to wear them as mourning clothes forever, but to let them move through us in their natural course).

I believe (and I say “believe” because I’m by no means an expert, I’ve only had a couple of years in this role that will surely gift me plot twists until my very last breath) that this means recognizing or helping my daughter recognize those big feelings in a simple way, without judging her or myself.

Maybe with words like, “Hey, I see that you’re sad/angry/disappointed/frustrated… I’m here for you.” And then, after giving her a moment, gently introducing the next thing that can help us move forward.

And remembering that it all starts with example with how I continue to face my own big feelings.

It’s hard, too, to juggle the expectations we have for ourselves as parents not to mention life’s constant attempts to shake us up… sometimes over and over again.

There’s also the matter of our nervous systems, so often stuck in fight or flight and how self-regulating isn’t always an easy, simple, or natural task. All of this impacts how we show up in this sacred role of accompanying our children through their lives and growth.

And sometimes, even when we do feel regulated, ready to offer the most conscious parenting, suddenly boom something triggers us, and a wave of emotions floods both our inner child and our outer adult, who suddenly doesn’t know what to do with “two” little ones in crisis.

But those two topics deserve deeper conversations another time.

I say all this because I know how frustrating it can feel to be powerless in the face of a child’s big feelings. And I know that you — who are reading this, just like me and so many others want to help your little one grow in a home where feeling isn’t the enemy, where expressing emotions isn’t taboo, where they can feel comfortable in their own skin, exactly as they are.

I think on this path of trying to offer conscious or respectful parenting (or whatever name it goes by now), we need to:

1. Be compassionate with ourselves as mothers, fathers, or caregivers.

2. Remember it all begins with awareness (even if, in the moment, we don’t do everything “perfectly”).

3. Know that there’s no way to be a perfect mom but you can be a connected, conscious, respectful, and compassionate one.

4. Sometimes the best thing I can do isn’t to look for a solution or distraction, but to sit with my daughter, accompany her in feeling, and listen to her during those big emotional moments. And who knows even if it doesn’t feel natural at first, little by little she might end up teaching me that slowing down and creating space is medicine for the whole family.

5. Very, very importantly take responsibility for our own wounds, our emotional dysregulation, and seek tools that help us regulate our nervous system and move through those moments. What works for me? A mix of conscious movement, somatic therapy, connecting with my community, spending time in nature, and nourishing my body.

I’ve also been reflecting on how whoever decides to embark on this journey to break patterns and learn to do things differently, in ways that don’t always come naturally that’s part of conscious parenting too. Recognizing that we don’t have all the answers and staying open to keep learning and adjusting to our children’s needs.

I’ve definitely learned a lot about becoming a vessel for emotions because my role as a mom often boils down to that: staying quiet, listening, and accompanying her as she feels, so that when she’s older, she (hopefully) will be able to regulate herself better than I do when I’m in moments of big feelings. 😅

If you’re looking for inspiration on your conscious parenting journey, here are a few books I recommend:

📖 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) — Philippa Perry

📖 Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us about Raising Children — Michaeleen Doucleff

📖 The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids — Jessica Joelle Alexander & Iben Dissing Sandahl

📖 The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Proven Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind — Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

And for anyone interested in exploring my work as a somatic therapist and how I help clients regulate their nervous systems, you can book an exploration call here.

Thank you for reading, un abrazo x

About Carla Carolina Watson

Carla Carolina Watson is an accredited Life Coach, certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and EFT, a Clinical Hypnotherapist, and a somatic therapist certified in Holosomatic Bodywork Therapy. She is also a Breathwork facilitator and Yoga teacher.

Over the past seven years, she has worked in the wellness industry, creating safe spaces where people can release what weighs them down and refocus their energy on what truly matters — while embracing their most authentic and balanced selves.

Carla has worked in renowned wellness centers in the UK, yoga studios in both the UK and Panama, and has offered one-to-one sessions with clients from across the world. She also facilitates wellness spaces for companies wishing to support their teams’ wellbeing.

Her unique approach offers clients different pathways to explore what best supports their goals.

Through her services, you can work on areas such as phobias and fears, self-awareness, emotional resilience, anger management, communication, stress management, and more.

Since becoming a mother nearly three years ago, she has dedicated her work to creating healing spaces for women and mothers integrating creative and somatic practices such as Sound Baths, Singing and Therapeutic Writing, Women’s Circles, and Creativity & Wellbeing Workshops.

As an immigrant, only child, and mother, Carla recognizes that many of us often lack the “village” we so deeply need to support and nourish us through the different stages of life. That’s why she wholeheartedly believes that if we don’t have a village, it’s our role to create and nurture one through these kinds of spaces.

Her services are also available for personalized private gatherings such as Mother Blessings, Purposeful Hen Parties, festivals, and more.

📩 For more information contact:

carlacarolinacoach@gmail.com